Key 1: Pivot From External Validation to Intrinsic Motivation
Key Points:
1. Seeking external validation or fearing judgment is a barrier to performing at your best. When things don’t go as planned, it’s important to view failure as an opportunity for growth.
2. Ask yourself: what matters to you? why do you want to do what you do? The answers to the questions provide a source of intrinsic motivation, where our reasons come from deep within.
3. What we want to achieve in life must be fueled by the things we find to be personally meaningful - i.e. the things that foster a sense of purpose.
“We are often at our best when we wholly immerse ourselves in the process of getting better.”
If your sense of success or failure comes from outside of you—whether through accepting the judgement of others or through internalizing that judgement and using it against yourself—then so does your sense of accomplishment. If you feel your happiest or most satisfied when you receive external validation and rewards, then your sense of who you are and how good of a person you are comes from others. That’s a dangerous way to live.
Fearing external judgement and relying on external validation to feel good are equally problematic. And both are a barrier to achieving high performance.
What matters to you is an important question, because one thing we have learned about meaning and motivation is that when we are driven to perform from deep within ourselves, we do our best work and we feel good about it. When we are driven to perform from outside ourselves, for praise and rewards, our motivation falls off and we don’t do as well. We’ve got the wrong “why.”
Here’s a story to illustrate how powerful personal meaning and knowing our “why” can be: When we think of Michael Phelps, the first thing that comes to mind is that he has won more Olympic medals than any other athlete in history. What many people don’t realize is that despite, or perhaps as a side effect, of all of his money, fame, and success, Phelps went through what many of us experience in our careers and lives: a dark period.
In 2014, halfway between Olympic Games, Phelps was deeply depressed and really struggling in every area of his life. At his lowest point, he called his coach, explained that he was having thoughts about suicide, and his coach helped Phelps get into rehab.
While in rehab, he was on a call with his best friend and the friend challenged him by asking a simple question that ended up changing the course of Phelps’s life: “Is that the best that you can do?” Reflecting on the question, Michael realized that what had happened so far, though amazing by any external standard, wasn’t even close to all he was capable of and wanted to achieve. Stepping back, he realized that he had been focusing on the what (the medals), not the why (his passion for training, pushing limits, giving his best, and loving the sport).
Phelps left rehab soon after and returned to his training with a new focus on enjoying and embracing the process. He changed his diet. He committed to physical therapy. He added yoga, stretching, massage, and functional training to his swimming. He repaired a number of relationships. And he stopped reading magazines and started reading biographies of people like Mahatma Gandhi and Steve Jobs—role models of meaning and purpose.
Fast forward to 2016 and the Rio Olympics: Phelps is a picture of happiness. During all of the media interviews he gave, his themes were being there to try his hardest, to not end up with regret, and to know that he had left it all out there in the lanes.
By pivoting his thinking from external validation and awards to his own meaning and values, Phelps re-energized his life and rediscovered his purpose. He let go of fear. He let go of judgement. He put feelings of failure aside. And then he lived the life he loved. That’s the power of internal motivation and meaning. And it lies at the heart of optimization and high performance.
Your peak moments need to be driven by something much deeper than praise or trophies: They must be fueled by meaning, by your personal sense of value and purpose. External rewards are fine in the right mindset and can be fun to have once in a while. But they are not the meaning of our lives and they will not sustain us in our pursuit of excellence in the long-term.
Today’s Call to Action: The 5 Whys
I'd like you to look back on The 5 Whys exercise that we did at the beginning of the course. If you already completed the exercise, now is a good opportunity to revisit it and see if your priorities have shifted.
If you haven't completed the exercise yet, I want you to take a look at your dreams and goals and then ask yourself why? Why do you want to achieve those things? Then ask again. Go deeper. Get to the root of why you want what you want.
For example, when I was in high school I wanted to make the Olympics in swimming. But at the deepest level I loved to be in the water. Annalise Carr swam across Lake Ontario at 13 years of age, and at the deepest level that was to raise money for a cancer camp.
If you can find the deep reasons why you do things you will be absolutely unstoppable.
Use the 5 Whys Formula or refer to page 13 of the Rest, Refocus, Recharge Workbook to help you with this exercise.
Today’s Bonus Video
Check out this TED Talk on how to leverage internal motivation in your work and in life.
The information and advice provided in this program is intended to assist you with improving your performance, as well as your general health. It is not intended and should not be used in place of advice from your own physician or for treatment or diagnosis of any specific health issue. By participating in this program you acknowledge that undertaking any new health, diet and/or exercise regime involves certain inherent risks, that you assume such risks, and that you release Wells Performance Inc. from any responsibility or claim relating to such participation.